Why Me, why not me?

I struggle with the fact that such a wonderful person like Valerie has Alzheimer's Disease. So yes, I ask God, why her, why not me? Valerie is a far better person than I can ever hope to be. She would have done much more in life, helped others and made a difference in the world more than I could ever hope.

So yes God, why not me?  It is a question I ask God every day. He could do it if he wanted to. I'm ready whenever he is...

Mister Mister

At one point during the last year and a half, Valerie started to call me Mister Mister. We all got a kick out of that.

She doesn't say my name often, but she still sort of knows who I am. She smiles when she sees me in the morning, she often looks at me when I walk into the room and says "Oh!", she sometimes looks at me with a sort of recognition and holds out her right arm to hug me.

I know many people, including myself, are so distressed knowing that someone you love may not know who you are anymore. Or at the very least, not like they used to know you and were able to express that. But I have heard this said before, and it is true, I STILL know who Valerie is. And really, it isn't at all about me.

She doesn't call me Mister Mister much anymore. Yet, she did call my name on Valentine's Day.

Doctors On Call In New York

Valerie's doctor comes to the house once a month. We started with a new doctor at the end of last year. Since Valerie has been bed-bound since July of 2011 we have had to have a doctor come to the house. The doctor is based in Brooklyn and he works with "Doctors On Call".

Here's their website:
http://www.doctorsoncallnyc.com/

Two Years Ago...

It's been two years since I started this blog for Valerie. I wish I could post more, but caring for Valerie takes up most of my time. Hopefully, I can post more. We'll see...

I Love It!

It is sunny and 80 degrees here, so Valerie and I go out on the back deck.

The breeze is perfect, and I asked Val if she liked being outside.

"I love it!"

Touch

Sometimes there are no words, but there is a connection. 

Pocket Full of Mumbles

Valerie always knew the lyrics to songs. She knew them very well. She would always tell me when I messed up a lyric when performing. 

During the past 2 years Valerie's speech has diminished to the point where she can only get out a few phrases. It is a difficult thing to witness, especially for someone who was a born conversationalist with an amazing vocabulary.

While getting her ready for bed, I always mention the names of her family members and friends.
She always repeats her oldest brother's name Alan. Though lately, in the past several months, she wasn't even repeating Alan's name to me.

Last night, as I was talking to her and mentioning names, she repeated almost all of them. Alan, Alexis, Dianne, Bill, Mom, Julia, Ilona, Vinny and her favorite, Uncle Ray. She hasn't done that in a VERY long time.

Valerie loves music and I have an Ipod filled with all her favorite songs that plays all the time. Music has an amazing effect.

Last night I was playing guitar and singing songs for Valerie. She was in her hospital bed and seemed sleepy.  As I was singing the first verse of "You Are My Sunshine", she sang all the lyrics with me for the first verse!
And she was smiling and in good spirits. 

The last song I played for Valerie last night was "Feeling Groovy" by Simon and Garfunkel.  Valerie once wrote of the lyrics to that song, and that the idea of perfection was "no deeds to do, no promises to keep." Despite her "pocket full of mumbles" (a line from the another Paul Simon song "The Boxer", just in case you didn't know that...I sang that for her as well) she is still Valerie and like the sun on a cloudy day, peeks out here and there.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away."

That she sang those lyrics last night shows me that, although she cannot always express herself, Valerie is "still there", and she always will be for me. She is my sunshine!