Someone once told me I was not being
logical to care for Valerie at home. We
exchanged notes, here is part of what I said. This was 6 1/2 years ago while I
was trying to get Medicaid and In-Home Care for Valerie.
I was to lose my job 1 month later….
"Thank you for your note. You've
raised some very important issues.
I am not going to be able to afford
the lawyer unless he is will to do this pro-bono. So, I will probably appear
before the fair hearing on my own. There are no assurances either way. I know
that, and I accept it. And we are broke. But I am very stubborn when it comes
to getting care for my wife. I know that a nursing home is a distinct
possibility. However, until I try every alternative, then I will feel I have
failed my wife. I should not have to do this. And yes it isn't fair. I accept
that, but if I can fight an unfairness, then I must try. Is what I am doing
logical? Probably not. I am doing this because I love my wife. It is all, pure
emotion. Pure devotion.
It is possible that it will affect
my health? Yes. Is that fair? No, but I am willing to go through this as long
as I am able. Is it possible that my health will get so bad that I pass before
my wife? Yes. Is that fair? No, but it happens all the time. I am willing to
die for her, if I have to. Is that rational? No, and I know it.
We don't value self-sacrifice in our
culture. I do. It is more important than me getting on with my life. There have
to be things you are willing to sacrifice or we are just marking time in our
lives. Is this something most people would do? Probably not. I am completely
aware of my irrational love for my wife. She is a much better person than I am.
She deserves better.
I am going to resubmit the M11Q form that will
document my wife's physical and medical needs. It may be as simple as that and
we will get home care through Medicaid. I am more than aware of the issues you
brought up. I'm glad you did, I need to look at this from many angles, and
sometimes I can't, so thank you for making me consider all that you brought up.
And the loss of sleep has not made lose all
sense of logic, but I am more determined that I have a right to fight for my
wife in any way that I can. If you knew my wife, the way I did before she got
Alzheimer's Disease, you'd say I wasn't doing enough for her. Guy - Maybe the
last irrational man living. ;>) "
06/01/2011
