(Written Feb. 23 2012))
The first few times Val did not know who I was, or remembered my name were really hard to take. But it pales in comparison to when she has lucid moments and realizes that she is not well.
Last night I was finishing up the laundry and had dinner prepared for Valerie. I was running around getting ready to sit with Valerie and then Sylvia, one of our aids started to give her dinner. As I was coming out of the kitchen I heard Sylvia call out Valerie's name. Whenever I've heard Sylvia call out Valerie's name like that I get anxious. Like the time Valerie passed out while sitting on the commode.
Sylvia looked a bit shaken as Valerie had closed her eyes for a few
seconds. I asked Sylvia what was wrong. She said Valerie looked at her
and said , “I'm dying”, and then closed her eyes. Valerie opened her
eyes, and started eating again. That to me, is more heartbreaking than
anything. And more than just a little be scary. Did Valerie mean she
was dying now, or knew that she had a terminal illness?
There are some many moments in each day where Valerie will say something I can understand, but given the advanced nature of her aphasia, it is sometimes quite a challenge.
I had just come home from 4 0'clock mass at local parish. It was Ash Wednesday. I got ashes and went home and wiped some of my ashes, and put them on Valerie's forehead and told her that God loves her and I love her. I don't know if that was kosher as far as Catholic theology is concerned, but I didn't care. Val once told me she did the exact thing for her sister when she was a little girl and wasn't able to go to church on Ash Wednesday. The local parish does send one of the priests on Sunday so Val can take communion. They aren't as consistent as I'd like them to be, but they do come. They forgot maybe?? Is sacramental dementia a sin of omission? A venial sin? Or is a mortal sin?? Well, I know I have to do many things myself to care for Valerie and I'm not going to wait for Godot to show up. I took the sacramental bull by the horn. Valerie's faith traditions have always been dear to her. I'll go to confession I guess. ;>)
"Remember, that thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return" Valerie remembered that on Ash Wednesday. Of all the things to remember!!!
There are some many moments in each day where Valerie will say something I can understand, but given the advanced nature of her aphasia, it is sometimes quite a challenge.
I had just come home from 4 0'clock mass at local parish. It was Ash Wednesday. I got ashes and went home and wiped some of my ashes, and put them on Valerie's forehead and told her that God loves her and I love her. I don't know if that was kosher as far as Catholic theology is concerned, but I didn't care. Val once told me she did the exact thing for her sister when she was a little girl and wasn't able to go to church on Ash Wednesday. The local parish does send one of the priests on Sunday so Val can take communion. They aren't as consistent as I'd like them to be, but they do come. They forgot maybe?? Is sacramental dementia a sin of omission? A venial sin? Or is a mortal sin?? Well, I know I have to do many things myself to care for Valerie and I'm not going to wait for Godot to show up. I took the sacramental bull by the horn. Valerie's faith traditions have always been dear to her. I'll go to confession I guess. ;>)
"Remember, that thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return" Valerie remembered that on Ash Wednesday. Of all the things to remember!!!
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